I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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