everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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