Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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