ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize