Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
