Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
