i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
