i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
