Don't you send me to vm
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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