just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
