So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
