Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
