I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
