Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
