My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
