remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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