I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
