wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
