his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
