Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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