i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
