If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
