he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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