At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
