He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
