Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
