He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
