Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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