He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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