she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
