Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
