Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
