she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
