Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize