At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
