It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
