How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
