my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Panties = found
Randomize
