Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
