trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hippo gnu deer
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
