I'm jealous of your bromance
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize