ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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