Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize