1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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