no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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