i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When are your genitals available?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
