so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
