From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
