He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
