Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Congratulations! We have a period
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