so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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