Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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