oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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