We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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