thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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