i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
