So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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