Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
