I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
