he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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