Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
