saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
