I cannot find my penis.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
