I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
