my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
