I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
