The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
