oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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