: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
