Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
