So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
