I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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