i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
