I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
