i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
